Second Chance at Your Dream

My friend Diane calls to tell me she’s feeling vaguely disturbed because there must be something else she’s supposed to be doing—everyone she knows is super busy because of the holidays, but she does not have much left to do. Diane’s adult children are putting on the holiday dinner; Diane has sent all obligatory presents and cards to family far and wide; everyone she knows seems distracted and embroiled in shopping trips or other endeavors.

Somehow, Diane gets the sense that all she has done is not good enough and more is needed. But what? As we talk further, it appears that Diane has fallen into the ever-present seductions of the holiday season. We’re supposed to be incredibly happy at this time of year—after all, everyone on TV is ecstatic about lavish presents from jewelry to cars. Images all around us are of blissful children, glamorous scenes, and unbounded affluence.

Most people’s realities are quite different: traffic is actually worse, often shoppers are glum and harried, the weather is crummy, finances may be tight, and many feel emptier, not happier, than usual. Could it be that people have been seduced by some kind of Christmas ideal, an imagined fantasy world that does not exist? Could it be that we’ve lost the value of human connections and sharing that can make any day or holiday meaningful?

Asking ourselves important questions may open a path to self-discovery and overcoming the most pressing addictions to Christmas commercialism and hype. Here are some sample queries to consider:

• How am I really feeling?
• To what am I addicted, such as what am I demanding of myself ? what am I expecting of others?
• What really gives me joy?
• Whom can I contact to share a valuable connection?
• What activity can I seek out?
• How can I find more delight in the natural world around me?
• How can reach out or find new interests?

Approaches that work with the human energy system like the family of therapies called “energy psychology,” begin by acknowledging one’s internal emotional climate. Thus, we begin by facing the true feeling engendered by the holiday season which for many may range from “bah humbug!” to feeling out of sorts, empty, or dissatisfied. Gently addressing our own hearts begins to honor feelings and open the door to new personal possibilities.

Along with the nostalgia for better times  we also hold also the knowledge of who we really are if we are willing to look deeply enough. We are timeless energy beings having a temporary experience of socially or internally imposed demands –some of which are made visible in current holiday madness.

I encourage my friends to work with affirmations that acknowledge genuine feelings as well as their wishes for personal peace, tranquility, joy, and resilience. For example, here is the self-statement Diane developed, “Even though I feel a bit out of sorts right now, I deeply honor and accept myself, my many strengths, and am finding my path to wholeness.” After repeating this positive affirmation several times, Diane began listing the many talents she has and often neglects. She also became more aware of ways she holds herself back from expressing who she is. Holding back one’s gifts is a pattern many have learned in order to “fit in” and  please other people rather than being who we really are.

Diane recalled she loved cooking but since her daughter was doing all the holiday preparations, she was in effect without her usual nurturing role and feeling displaced.

“Who might appreciate your cooking in your community?” I asked.

“Lots of people at the local homeless shelter,” Diane mused thoughtfully and then added, “But that would be such a big step for me.”

“By all means,” I replied, “Don’t hold back this year. Try something new, not just to meet obligations but to experience the adventure of learning and sharing what you love to do. If cooking is your thing, then do it to the glory of the Highest Good.”

Whatever Diane chooses, she agrees does not need to be stuck in vague dissatisfaction with herself and feeling unneeded. Every one of us lives in a community where someone needs exactly the talent or interest we have, the very quality you’re likely holding back.

Let this holiday time become one of an adventure –exploring yourself, making time for looking within, and letting yourself reach out anew in creative, positive ways. The great Sufi poet Rumi invites us to this adventure: “Let yourself be silently drawn to the strange pull of what you really love. It will not lead you astray.”

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Dr. Dorothea Hover-Kramer is a national leader in seeing retirement in new ways—“re-firement” for sharing yourself with others—and author of Second Chance at Your Dream.